Today I Evolve.

Don't fight against yourself.

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:39:41 -0400

I often find myself fighting against myself. Simple tasks become large hurdles. Goals and dreams become fantasies to stress over. I’m guessing you’ve dealt with this as well. Why do we do this to ourselves? Sometimes I realize what I’m doing and remember what it feels like to let go. Really, life doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it. Let’s try to keep this in mind and learn to stop fighting against ourselves.

“The tree by nature is still, yet the wind blows and it dances without effort.” - Vernon Kitabu Turner

Try greeting every day with confidence and control. Learn to do this and you will realize that even the most stressful tasks and situations can be managed with a free mind. Think back to a time where you said to yourself, “I don’t think I can handle this.” But you did handle it… You always do… Humans as a race have always pushed through tragedy and pain with strength and resilience. You can too. Remember this every day and dance with whatever life hands you.

Accept criticism and rejection with grace.

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 10:24:00 -0400

Imagine spending months working on something very important to you. Perhaps it’s a large step forward in your life’s dream. Now imagine showing it to someone who immediately shoots it down… criticizes it… barely even gives it a chance… Your blood is probably starting to boil just thinking about a time this has happened to you. Instead, I challenge you to think about hearing this rejection and letting it flow by you. Like an ocean wave, it will hit you. You can fight it and struggle, or you can effortlessly move with it. Let the negativity remain as it really is: a bunch of words. Words that you can interpret in whatever way you wish.

“I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.” ― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

You have control over your emotions and you choose to accept criticism and rejection with grace. There is such a weight we place on ourselves to be loved. Sooner or later you will have to come to terms with the fact that people will love you and people will not like you. The world is enormous and people are all judging different things. It’s impossible to be loved by everyone. Whatever happens, don’t let criticism wound you. Wouldn’t you like to be able to fearlessly live as you are and accept others for who they are? Next time someone doesn’t like what you have to offer, decide to respect their preference, stay true to yourself, and keep moving forward unscathed.

Make your inner dialogue match your outer dialogue.

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 18:58:46 -0400

If you’re like me, you often imagine elaborate fake arguments and rants in your head to relieve stress. Say someone hurts you or damages your pride… Your instinct is to cuss them out behind closed doors. Maybe you pace around your home and find creative and angry ways to counter every argument in this imaginary scenario where you confront them. We all do it (and it provides temporary relief), but is it really helpful?

“Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” ― Mitch Albom

I’d like to challenge you to make your inner dialogue match your outer dialogue. Are you planning to yell at everyone who upsets you? No? Then don’t yell at them in your own head. Learn to only say things in your mind that you would say in front of others. If you would feel ashamed to say it out loud, why aren’t you afraid to say it in hiding?

Additionally, make your inner dialogue match your desired lifestyle. Do you want to foster anger and resentment in your heart? No? Then don’t practice hate and intolerance. It doesn’t matter that it’s only in your head. Allow yourself to be angry, upset, or whatever you need to feel, but don’t let it consume you. If you are constantly yelling at people in your head, think about the influence that will have on your life. Remember, you’re creating yourself as you go.

Create an environment that helps you.

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 01:06:00 -0400

Sometimes I watch friends and acquaintances attempt new (and wonderful) lifestyle, willpower and mindfulness changes only to almost immediately fail and become bitter about it. Often times I will look at their environment and wonder how they lasted even a day with their new goals. When trying to evolve as a person, don’t forget how important it is to make the world around you help you. Try not to forget how powerful memories and location association are and how they can influence your mind. Hanging out in a stressful place can be a terrible experience. Sometimes a little change is all you need.

“Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.” - W. Clement Stone

Create a home that reflects the new you. Move to a place that makes you feel good. Buy things that make sense in your life. Wear clothes that feel good to you. Make friends who confirm your new beliefs and encourage you to be who you want to be. Quit the job that violates the dreams and standards of living and mindfulness that you aspire to. You have so much control in your life. Don’t underestimate the changes you can make in your environment and how they may affect your progress toward this new you.

Step aside from things that don't feel right to you.

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:38:00 -0500

Your life is yours. We spend so much time chasing after what we want that we don’t realize that we have been tolerating what we don’t want. If there are things in your life that don’t work for you, change them. If there are people in your life who bring you down, distance yourself from them. If you spend the majority of your time being miserable, start doing new things. Don’t settle when it comes to your life. Create a life you will love (and do it now).

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” -Hardy D. Jackson

It’s easy to look at other people around you and try to emulate them. It’s easy to look at other people’s situations and wonder if that’s how you should be living your life. Let me save you some time and encourage you to ignore all that. Emulating others is boring. Being yourself is wonderful. Take some time to think about what you want and what you really don’t want. Figure out how to step aside from the ugly stuff and concentrate on the good stuff. Be honest with yourself. Dream big dreams, release insecurity, and do what feels right. Do what feels right for you.

Take breaks often and slow down.

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 23:30:00 -0500

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of breaks in your life. We’re all running around all the time. Frantic, obsessive, worried… Instead of addressing all these issues individually, it might be worth taking a moment to slow down. Stop. Relax. This might solve more problems (and open more doors) in your life than you think.

“Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it.” - Dee Hock

Slowing down encourages creativity. It brings peace. It helps you to be more patient with others and yourself. You are living your life right now, so make sure you take the time to savor it, take the time to make the most out of it, and (more than anything) take the time that you need for yourself. Give yourself the gift of time off, and give it often.

Embrace futility.

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 19:00:59 -0500

How often do you get annoyed with someone for being “so predictable?” If you’re like most people, it’s all the time. Why, then, are we all so disgustingly predictable when it comes to dealing with stress? Why is it that humans react to everything unexpected by losing control of our emotions and thoughts? Something that is less than perfect happens and we say to ourselves, “What does it mean? Oh my God, what does it mean?!” We dwell over why it happened or how it affects us personally. Meanwhile, we are ignoring the fact that we’re the ones affecting ourselves personally.

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.” ― C. JoyBell C.

Next time something you can’t control happens, embrace the futility of stressing out over it. It happened! Don’t freak out over something that’s inevitable. It’s already happened. Deal with it. Face it. Better yet, let go if it! If someone yells at you for no reason, don’t let it get to you. If plans fall through, let them fall through! Stop being angry about not having control over your life and the lives of everyone around you. No matter how hard you try to influence them, things will happen without your approval. Imagine how good you’ll feel next time something potentially unfortunate happens and you simply smile and move on…

Admit when you are wrong. Admit when you are right.

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 01:52:47 -0500

Humans have this remarkable ability to convince ourselves that we are right no matter what. Given any situation, we can make ourselves the victim. On the flip-side, we can just as easily blame ourselves for the every problem in our lives. Unfortunately we are usually doing one or the other more than we should. In reality, however, it’s more likely that we are right 50% of the time. It takes a very strong character to be able to see both sides of every situation and say, “I was right in this way, and wrong in that way.”

“Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.” - Clark Moustakas

We aren’t perfect. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong. Let’s choose to be aware of each. Let’s choose to step back in situations and say, “I am being inflexible.” Other times let’s choose to take a deep breath and realize, “I need to stand my ground here.” Do you think terrorists can sleep at night? Of course they can! They believe that they were never in the wrong. How is that any different (at its core) than you or I cuddling up at night and not giving a second thought to how we insulted someone at work today? Let’s admit our short-sightedness and let’s praise our honesty with ourselves. We are capable of seeing so much more than we do.

Laugh all the time.

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 01:10:12 -0400

I challenge you, from this day forward, to promise yourself that you will laugh every day and as much as possible. The results it will have on your life will blow your mind. Dance around. Watch a funny video and freak out. Laugh. Roll around on the floor. Be ridiculous. What an amazing feeling it is to laugh! The people who laugh all the time in life are the most fun to be around. Once you promise yourself you’ll find life funnier, you’ll start to see humor in everything and find yourself growing into a happier, healthier person.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. - Bill Cosby

Let’s be honest. A life full of laughter is better than any other life. It’s true that we need to feel sad sometimes, but you can improve your life (starting right now) by just deciding to laugh. Instead of worrying about being late for work, you’ll start noticing people doing funny things in their cars. Instead of being angry at your spouse, you’ll start making jokes about how ridiculous you both can be. It works. It’s infectious. It’s wonderful. It’s real. Do it.

Let go of grudges and learn.

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 08:59:24 -0400

We all have grudges. We all take things personally. It’s in our nature (and it’s okay). Humans are sensitive creatures. Even the stereotypical “tough guys” are sensitive. Why do you think they need to be so tough? Instead of holding onto inevitable grudges, let them go. People are going to offend you, hurt your pride, and everything in between. Isn’t it time you figure out how to deal with it?

“Take, for example, the famous quarrel between Theodore Roosevelt and President Taft - a quarrel that split the Republican party, put Woodrow Wilson in the White House, and wrote bold, luminous lines across the First World War and altered the flow of history.” - Dale Carnegie

We all have trouble letting go of grudges. You have to realize that holding a grudge is not useful unless you learn from it. It’s an opportunity to learn about yourself, learn about the person who offended you, and move on. Imagine how good it would feel to see that person and look them in the eyes with strength rather than condemnation.

Grow stronger with age.

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 23:53:00 -0400

Aging is not an awful tragedy. At least it doesn’t have to be… Perhaps we don’t have to grow weaker. Perhaps we have to alter our definition of strength as WE change and embrace the changes that we fear.

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” ― Sophia Loren

Here’s what I believe to be the natural progression of strength in life:

- physical strength

- perspective

- inspiration

- creativity

- love

- wisdom

- mindfulness

- innocence

I think we constantly grow stronger. I don’t think age weakens us at all. We’re just afraid.

Embrace the hunger.

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 13:01:00 -0400

We’re constantly battling with ourselves. We want to improve and change our lives, but we know it’s important to feel content, sit back, and enjoy life. Both are correct, but I worry most about the people who push away the hunger to improve in hopes to be happier. It often doesn’t work. We love the hunger! We chase after it. Just look at the human race. Look at our history. It’s against our nature to stop improving. We can’t stop the hunger. We’re always growing. Isn’t it amazing?

I think that there’s a certain delusional quality that all successful people have to have… You have to believe that something different can happen… Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity. Why would you be realistic? What’s the point of being realistic?” - Will Smith

Avoid states of pushing away. Don’t push away your natural drive. Instead, embrace. Embrace the hunger to improve your life. Yes, it’s important to be thankful for your current situation, but you should always be looking to move forward. Be proud of how far you’ve come, but stay hungry. It’s a part of what makes being a human great. Be happy and hungry. Have fun with it.

Move with the wind.

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 10:10:11 -0400

I’m often compelled to be someone specific. I find new ways of living and admire qualities of people I see. I try to emulate these people and try to force myself to live in these ways. It’s exhausting and it’s not true to myself. Some weeks I am passive and peaceful. Some days I am firey and inspired. Is that a problem?

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao-Tzu

Move with the wind in your life. Whatever feels right at this moment, work with it. Find something good and honorable about the space you are in, and use it. You can’t be zen all the time. You can’t be laughing all the time. You can’t be strong all the time. It’s the change in winds that makes life so interesting and wonderful. So, be the best version of yourself that you can be as life moves and changes around you. You, too, will have to move and change as the wind changes around you. Enjoy it.

Practice "Living Meditation"

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 13:48:23 -0400

We’re busy creatures. We run around all day trying to be productive and make ends meet. We have a constant struggle within us between our lofty dreams (and hard work) and our inner peace (and letting go). It often seems like work to relax. We sometimes have to schedule a block of time to relax. Doesn’t that seem strange? Instead of making zen/meditation/relation/letting go a chore, you should be living it. There’s no reason you can’t work hard and be in a state of mindful peace. You have to start letting go in your life, not just for 15 minutes per day.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” - Hermann Hesse

Instead of setting aside 15 minutes to meditate and then jumping back into work, try a state of “living meditation.” You can start living right now with a clear mind. Sitting with your eyes closed in the lotus position is not the only way to meditate. It seems kind of unrealistic for modern people to expect to find inner peace by alternating between traditional mediation and a harsh work environment. Here are some ideas:

Next time you have to walk somewhere, do a walking meditation. Focus on your footsteps and the world around you. Stop thinking about conversations you had, or conversations you wish you had. This is a perfect time to let go. Next time you eat or drink a cup of tea, sip it and treasure the moment. Next time you listen to the radio, read, or watch television, truly focus on consuming that experience. Practice “living meditation,” and you’ll find yourself growing into a constant state of inner peace. We don’t want to only practice letting go during seated meditations. We want to let go and be at peace in every moment and every action. It is possible.

Focus on intent.

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 19:39:09 -0400

It’s inevitable. You’re going to make someone unhappy. You’re going to make someone mad. You’re going to inadvertently make someone’s biggest pet peeve a reality. Accept it. What’s most important about these situations is to be mindful of intent and turn to perspective. It’s possible to make a mistake, learn from it, and not feel bad. All you have to do is prove to yourself that your intentions were good.

“Choose your intention carefully and then practice holding your consciousness to it, so it becomes the guiding light in your life.” - John Roger

You shouldn’t beat yourself up over misunderstandings when your intentions are good. It’s only if you realize that your intentions were hurtful, that you should feel regret. Most of the time, we push people’s buttons without intending to. In these cases it’s simple. Realize that they have a right to be angry, annoyed, or sad. After all, we don’t know what they could be going through. Learn from this. Perhaps that person needs to be treated differently from now on. Perhaps all people need to be treated differently from now on. Add these lessons to your already wonderful intentions and evolve into a better person. Forget guilt. Forget shame. Forget regret. Forget anger. Focus on the good things.

Let people speak (and hear them).

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 11:32:42 -0400

More than anything, people want to be heard. We want to be able to voice our opinions and feelings. We want to feel like we’re being listened to. Sometimes all it takes to calm an argument or conflict is to simply listen to the other person’s point of view. Usually they just want to say what they have to say, and then they’ll be more than ready to compromise on a solution. It’s when you don’t listen that things get complicated. So why not let them speak? Why not listen?

“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.” - Richard Moss

I’m amazed at how often I see people (and myself) having one-sided conversations. It’s so obvious that they aren’t listening. They’re just jumping from thought to thought, waiting for the other person to say their piece so they can talk more. It’s very obvious and very unattractive. On the flip side, you can tell immediately when someone is really listening. Those people truly stand out. Next time you are in a conversation, try not to overlap conversation. Try to put your thoughts together after the other person stops talking. Try to listen. Try to hear people.

Exercise for you.

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 22:09:47 -0400

Exercising is supposed to make you feel good. A daily run or maybe a little stretching can make a world of difference for you. Even just 15 minutes every day will give you energy, happiness, and encourage productivity that you didn’t know you had. Every day we’re bombarded by pressure to be fit, exercise, and look good. Unfortunately, the messages are all wrong. You shouldn’t be exercising to look like a model. You should be exercising for you.

“Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states.” - Carol Welch

People who exercise to look like models aren’t usually happy about it. Often times they’ll reach their goal, feel as empty as before, and stop exercising (because what’s the point?) Exercising for you is completely different. Don’t think about the pounds. Don’t think about how you look. Think about how it makes you feel. Pick an exercise routine that you enjoy. This will help you build a foundation of fitness (and feeling good) that will last a lifetime. It becomes part of who you are.

Resist the overwhelming urge to vent.

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 10:09:00 -0400

When something stressful happens to you, don’t be the person who needs to vent about it over and over to everyone you know. Not only does it make you look bad, it makes everyone around you (including yourself) feel bad. It also encourages an environment of anger and frustration. Remember that your brain is like a muscle. You have to work it out in the right ways if you want it to grow. Like anything, practice forms habitual ways of living. Therefore, the more you complain and feel frustrated about your circumstances, the more those moments define your life.

“When a person finds themselves predisposed to complaining about how little they are regarded by others, let them reflect how little they have contributed to the happiness of others.” – Samuel Johnson

I’ve met sad families who complain constantly. There is always something to complain about. I’ve also met families who obviously try not to dwell on stresses. Sometimes it’s difficult for people from family A to spend time with family B, but family B is always happier. What seems to set these people apart is that they allow the stress and the bad feeling to be felt. If something happens, be angry about it. If a new responsibility arises, face it! Stop hiding from the stress and dancing around it by venting to your friends and family. Look it in the face, decide what you are going to do, and do it! Move on. Don’t dwell. Don’t let fear turn you into a complainer. It will make a big difference in your life. Choose to be in control and show that control to everyone around you.

You don't have to be the greatest.

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 23:17:00 -0400

It’s in our nature as humans. We have this insatiable drive to be the best. We need to improve. We need to prove ourselves to others. More than that we need to prove ourselves to ourselves. It never seems like enough though, does it? We don’t want to be a great ________, we want to be the greatest. Let me save you a lot of time and grief by promising you that you don’t need to be the greatest.

“Blessed the man and woman who is able to serve cheerfully in the second rank.” - Mary Slessor

Our drive to improve is wonderful, but only within reason. It goes without saying that being the “greatest” is impossible. You could easily spend your entire life chasing after something and shaking your head while looking in the mirror, but I don’t think you want that. All you really need to be is good. You don’t have to be the best something or other, you only have to be a good one. Think about some of your favorite people that you know (in real life). Are they really the best at anything? No, they are just wonderful people who are self-assured. You can be wonderful too, you just need to be proud of what you’re good at and go with that.

The worst is never that bad.

Sat, 26 May 2012 21:45:36 -0400

Too many people spend their lives in fear. The terrible “what ifs” plague our days. What if I lose my job? What if the love of my life leaves me? Several years ago my worst fears came true. I was worrying about losing my job and I got laid off. I worried about what I would do next and I got a new job and hated it so much that I quit. I walked out to my car thinking I would burst into tears (because what was I going to do? How would I pay my bills?). Instead, I felt alive. I felt inspired. I felt free. I finally realized that the worst is never the worst. My life opened up to something new and amazing (and I’ve never been happier). It’s the fear that ruins everything.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” - Frank Herbert

Don’t be the person who worries about everything. I can promise you that even if your fears did come true (and they most likely won’t) you would deal with it (and deal with it well). Sometimes I think we fear things because they make us feel alive. I challenge you to convert that fear into trust and excitement. Be excited by the unknown. Trust yourself that you will deal with every situation as it comes. Know that you can never truly be in control. Let yourself live and the path will become clear as you go.